One year, 12 months, 365 days .......

It's been one year since you, Farfel, The ONLY Airedale in the Village, have been gone. I miss you every day -- every minute of every day.

June 4, 2012 was the worst day of my life.  I, as well as my family, always new that when we would part ways, it would be heart breaking. It has been, more than you or anybody knows. Even having two beautiful sweet Airedale girls hasn't eased the pain. I love them dearly -- they are not you.

I do remember all of the good things and I smile, and am happy...but then realize, never again. Such a big lovable clown you were....how I would look so forward to coming home to you.  How you would come to me and put your head on my lap -- knowing we both needed it. How you would go up to bed on your own. How you had selective hearing. How you posed for pictures ....... but mostly, how you loved me.

Thank you Best Friend Forever Farfel for being in my life. Having you in my life makes all of this sadness worth it.

If I had one wish ---  I would wish to have one more hour with you. At the end of that hour -- I would never let you go.

I love you Farfel.


MOMMY

Happy Birthday Dear Farfel.......Happy Birthday to you .......

Farfel, The ONLY Airedale in the Village was born in Sugarcreek, Ohio (at what I found out later to be an Amish puppy mill), on January 16, 2002 -- he would have been 11.  I chose, reluctantly, to have him put to sleep on June 4, 2012. He had Degenerative Myelopathy. Even though I admire those who get wheels for their ailing dogs, expensive treatment, live through urinary tract infections, bed sores ..... etc... I chose to let my best friend go. I could never keep a sad, frightened best friend around for my own needs.  He gave me so much in his short life ... it was the only thing I could do for him -- and....it has broken my heart beyond belief.

So Farfel, I hope you are making a lot of friends at the Rainbow Bridge. I know you were more of a "people person" than a "dog person."  My fault. I never really socialized you I guess -- or as many have told me -- I humanized you too much.  Either way --- you were, and are perfect to me.  I do hope you are socializing with the others ....they would all love you  :)

I still have the "Trifecta" of diseases (Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Chronic Fatigue, and Fibromyalgia!! No relief, none, nada ...you would think that with the gazillion old ladies out there who have these diseases,  SOMEONE would find a cure ... or a pill that actually works... not in my case anyway.  One of my Docs suggested I see a therapist -- hehehehe  :)  I told her how I had no faith in Doctors. Of course she wouldn't agree with me. I told her I was having a lot of trouble getting over the loss of my best friend. I mentioned that I didn't grieve the same way for my parents -- that I didn't think about my parents like I thought about my best friend ..... that my parents --- or anybody couldn't give me the same comfort as my best friend.  I went on and on, and was getting very emotional.  I finally had to tell her that you were a dog -- yes, I know... you weren't a dog, you were "FARFEL!"   Her response to me --- Oh, I had a cat that died.  So badly I wanted to say ---- Listen B*tch, this is MY 50 freakin' minutes, and I don't give a rat's ass about YOUR cat!!!  Instead I said -- and how does that make you feel ??????  And..... if this pencil was a magic wand ... what would you want it to do ???  I didn't say that either ... I should have.... I just didn't go to the Birkenstocks with socks shrink anymore ....   :)

I took the girls to the vets for "girl" surgery.  I love all of the staff there, but I HATE going in there. It was the very last place you were  :(  I remember telling the vets each and every time I took you -- that you had to live forever, or at least longer than me.  I hate that you are now ashes in a cute little box.  I have your collar, tags, a lock of your hair wrapped in your favorite (Colombian flag) bandana. I used to have your favorite toy in there also .... your knife. Hoshi ...well, destroyed most of it. Prior to the destruction .... she pranced around squeaking it, trying to stab Star. It was bittersweet. I kept the destroyed knife.

I have so much I want to say to you. I will say what I say every time I walk by your cute little box, and when I go to bed:

I love you Farfel...........


Happy Birthday sweet boy   :)

Yes MOMMY, there is .....

Dear Farfel,

It's been 6 months since you've been gone.  I miss you more and more each day.  There is some comfort though -- there is a special group on Facebook called the Rainbow Bridge. Ozzie, and Bogey, two special, and pretty important guys write updates from the Bridge. Some of my friends do not believe this..some think I am nuts....and some think it's time I get over your loss ---- BUT, isn't it true that if you see it on Facebook, it is so? Please tell me the truth, is there a Rainbow Bridge?

Love,

MOMMY


MOMMY,
 Your  friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, MOMMY, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

MOMMY, I could continue with Francis P. Church's editorial -- but, I think my words will say it best. 

Anything that gives you, or anybody else comfort from the updates from the Bridge is a special gift . The gift of faith, love, and hope in your hearts. The love you had for us  -- your best friends. Not wanting to forget or lose the feeling of that love. Knowing we are fine, happy, and healthy. Reading about the newcomers to the Bridge, and momentarily feeling the same sadness as when I left you -- but then hearing about the special festivities...and being able to believe, hope and feel that we are all happy and well taken care of -- and watching over our loved ones left behind. 

The Rainbow Bridge is a magical place that exists in our hearts, hopes, and dreams. Don't ever lose the magic. Remember the day when you knew there was no Santa Claus (there is, and he makes regular stops here at the Bridge), and when you had your own children you wanted them to believe forever, because that moment of of non-believing was so harsh? So, MOMMY, yes there is a Rainbow Bridge, and it exists in the hearts of all that have lost their best furry friends. 

As Ozzie and Bogey mentioned, we have a special day tomorrow welcoming the 20 little Angels, and sending love to their Mommies, and Daddies.  

I miss you MOMMY. I have to laugh sometimes at what's going on down there with that pup Hoshi.  She is very good at sleeping on her back ... and gutting her toys -- eyes first --- is she not ??   I am teaching her well.  I am happy that Star is putting her head on your knee like I did. I know you miss it -- but remember, I am there with you all of the time. I am fine, and happy.... please don't worry. 

I love, and miss you all ..

Farfel

Merry Christmas 

I look so handsome in this picture -- and Star, well she just loves looking at herself  :)

Since you've been gone ....... Oh boy!!!!

Well, Farfel, it's been two months today.  I miss you so much, and I think of you every hour of every day -- such good thoughts :) I know you know what's been happening down here, from up there on your comfy cloud, and probably laughing your ass off   :)   For those who don't know -- here is what has happened in my life the last two months.

Here is a bit of backstory:  I received Star, my sweet girl Airedale in November of 2010. I received Star on the condition that in 2011, she have one litter -- which she did. This was all written in a signed contract. The contract stated -- litter in 2011 and/or spayed.  I full filled my obligation. Star had a beautiful litter of 6 pups. On the advice of my vet, we decided to wait on having her spayed immediately after the litter. During the time after Star had her litter, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroidits, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Fibromyaligia. I have not had an easy time with these idiotic diseases, and had to quit my job, and alter my life drastically. In addition to to these diseases, I had just gone through several surgeries over an 18 month period. For those who have not read my previous blogs, I had a hysterectomy, Bilateral Mastectomy, fills, exchange surgery --- and the list goes on. So .. needless to say, I have been through the ringer.  Star being spayed was not on my to do list, as a result. There was never any chance Star would get pregnant under my care. I had no desire to backyard breed her and make a profit. Farfel Started faltering in  February of 2012. My focus was on him. Star was and is a happy, healthy girl. If she had any issues, I would have had them taken care of immediately.

I was taking Farfel to the vet to find out what was wrong with him. At that time, I was going to Doctors on a weekly basis. In April, the groomer/breeder (who gave me Star) called to remind me of their grooming appointment. I told her Farfel wasn't doing well, Star was in heat, and that I had spent a lot of money on Farfel's medical bills. She told me she would do Star for free. So, I took Star to be groomed. The groomer asked if she could keep Star overnight -- that she was "bad." I thought by bad she meant her grooming would take awhile. I said OK.  The next day I called and asked when I could pick Star up. The groomer asked me if she could keep her a few more days. I said - why?  is she that bad???  She said no, she wanted to breed her. I said, you have a male there to breed her with ? She said no, I took her to Kentucky yesterday. I was stunned. There was nothing I could do. I was assured Star would be back in a few days. I suppose I could have insisted that Star be brought back immediately. I didn't. Maybe I was in a weakened state, or in shock. The breeder, in the past mentioned how nice it would be for Star to have another litter. There was no set plan, and I did not agree to it.  My opinion -- if she (breeder) was doing this on the up and up, she should have called and asked me, or discussed it with me. She didn't. It takes about 6 hours to drive from here to KY. That was 6 hours she could have called and told me what she was doing.

Star came back. I went to pick her up. I did write the breeder an E-mail stating my feelings on what she did. I felt it was underhanded.  She never mentioned the E-mail to me. I have to say... I like the breeder/groomer. She is pleasant, knows tons about Airedales, and dogs. She is a wonderful groomer, and an excellent breeder. Her facilities are immaculate. The kennel is beautiful.  I took Star home, and told the breeder that I would be back around Star's due date. The breeder calculated it. I know nothing about that stuff. I called the breeder several times because Star was doing weird things -- we just figured that Star is weird -- but a good weird  :)

During this time, Farfel was getting worse and worse. I was feeling terrible as well.  I lost Farfel on June 4th. About two weeks later, I took Star back to the breeder. It was a tough time for me. When I was dropping her off I mentioned how special it would be to have one of Star's pups. The breeder said nothing -- just looked at me. In my opinion, and... this is just my opinion, had she taken me seriously, she would have said -- that is wonderful, I require a deposit...blah, blah blah -- I am pretty sure these pups were booked before they were born, and I would never have gotten a puppy.

So, I called daily, or every other day to see how Star was doing. I just lost Farfel. I was concerned about Star. I got the impression I was bothering the breeder. Well, one day I called and I was told to come get Star -- she was having a false pregnancy. I was surprised, asked are you sure ?? She said yes. Ok, then... I left to pick Star up immediately.

The breeder brought Star out to me -- I asked about false pregnancies, the breeder explained what she knew and said it was common -- but she also insinuated that because Star was overweight that was a problem -- whatEVER  :)   I asked the breeder SEVERAL times -- are you sure ?????  She said yes -- there is NOTHING in her!  (I assumed she had Star x-rayed -- she didn't). I said.. so she is not going to surprise me ??? The breeder assured me there were no puppies!!!!!

I get Star home.  She was acting strange (even for Star).  I made an appointment for her the next day -- they x-rayed her ....and LO and behold -- she had two puppies inside her. 12 hours later, I was delivering the cutest little mole-like Airedale puppies.  My son and I did it --- Well, actually Star did most of it. So, there I was.... my son, Star, 2 puppies, and a big plastic swimming pool in my living room.  I have never done anything like this before, and I have never witnessed it. Star came through fine.  It upsets me to think of what could have happened.  I may not have an animal husbandry degree, but I know when my dog is acting weird!

So, I took them to the vet a few days later -- all were happy and healthy. Tails were cropped, dew claws removed, and the vet hydrated Star.  I have to say -- my vet was furious with the breeder for not having Star x-rayed. I was struggling with telling her about the 2 pups -- after all -- pups - $$$$$$   On the advice of the vet, my family, friends, and everyone I told the whole story said... to keep the pups. The breeder basically gave up any claim when she said there was NOTHING in there !!!  She also breached the contract and had no right taking Star to be bred.

So -- since July 1, I have been taking care of the babies. I was going to keep both, and Star. Due to my health issues it was best to give one up. A very wonderful couple now has puppy # 1, or pink  :)  They are experienced Airedale people, and it was love at first sight for both. As hard as it was to face another loss -- I am very happy for the couple and the pup  :)

So, I now have Star, and her beautiful daughter Hoshi (Star in Japanese).  I have never seen Star more happy and animated. You might be wondering how I made my choice between the two little sweeties -- well,  the one I kept reminded me of Farfel. They are both beautiful, sweet, and smart puppies.

Since I picked up Star from the breeder back in June, I have not heard from her. No inquiry about how Star was doing, and no reminder for Star to be groomed -- Star hadn't been groomed since April. Obviously, she does not care about Star -- and does not want my business.  Star has been groomed and looks beautiful.

I am sure by reading previous blogs, you can deduce who the breeder/groomer is. It is not my intention to bash her.  She is very intelligent and is one of the best breeder/groomers around.  It is obvious she had no respect for me -- otherwise we would have discussed Star being bred.  Right now, on a personal level, I have no trust in her.

Well, Farfel, you haven't been replaced -- although this little spitfire is a toughy!!  She walks around growling like you (vocalizing), she sleeps in weird positions, she watches TV, she guts her stuffies, and removes the eyes .... I hope in some way..... a part of you is in her  :)

Sorry for the length this --- it had to be said. I couldn't be happier with how things turned out. I saw it as .... Divine Intervention, or a gift from God....doG   -- or maybe even Farfel  :)

Hoshi

Thanks for reading  :)

Patti, Star, and Hoshi  :)

Wall smudges :)

So, as I was walking down my hallway today, I noticed the smudge marks about two and a half feet up the wall, that went down the length of the hall -- Farfel's smudges  :)  It reminded me of how he would drink about 3 quarts of water, then go and wipe his face on the cushions of the couch -- lifting them up :) Which then reminded me how he had to wipe his beard on the entire perimeter of my bed -- especially the white down comforter  :) And of course how he would wipe his soaking wet face in the crotches of company -- men, of course  :)

It's been a month and a day. I can't believe the time has gone by this fast. I miss him. There have been sad reminders -- like picking up his ashes and paw print from the vets -- I almost couldn't breathe when I walked up to the desk.  Getting rid of his toys.  I kept some. The others, well, they were gutted, shredded, and most of the facial features on his stuffed animals were gone.  I kept his rubber knife  :)  He would carry it around like he was going to stab someone  :)  Going to the vets again, with Star, and while I was sitting there a couple came in with their fuzzy dog wrapped in a blanket...they were crying, and were directed back to "THE ROOM."  I could barely contain myself, it was very sad.  So, yes, there have been sad moments, but...I have been thinking about all of the funny things he would do.... the good memories, good times... etc  :)   It's still amazingly sad for me ... but the happy memories help, and..... it gets better  :)

Of course there is Star  :)  Quiet, polite, little Star!  At the vets, she sat very still and quiet. Of course she loved all of the attention :)   She didn't act horrified (like Farfel)  when her temp was taken -- she probably was -- but she behaved like a little lady  :)  When I get her leash off of the hook to go outside, she runs and sits very still in front of me so I can put on her collar and leash -- Farfel would run to me, fight me every second to get his collar on -- then run around the house holding the leash in his mouth  :)  Yep, the ONLY Airedale in the Village  :)  I hope the next Airedale I get has a little bit of Farfel and Star -- what an amazing dog that would be  :)  

So, Farfel, I hope you are having the best time, meeting new friends, and welcoming the newcomers  :)  I will be here...thinking of you (very often...), and trying to teach Star your bad ... no, not bad....your wonderfully endearing habits  :)  I do kind of like the way she sits to have her collar put on though   :)   

And... to all who have lost their best buddies this week .. I am so sorry. To those who have received good news, and good results -- I am so very happy for you  :)

Patti, and Star 

Do they have Jenny Craig --- for Dogs ? :)

We sure love our dogs  :)  Facebook has been really sad in the dog community lately.  There have been trips to the Rainbow Bridge, some expected, some not. There have been sudden illnesses, some with a good outlook, some not.  I feel for everyone of you, and I appreciate so much more the wonderful comments I received from all the dog people  :)  Especially the ones who have lost their furry loved ones. Very sad reminders.  You are all great and wonderful people. It's a privilege to be included in your lives, even though it's only by a Facebook posting  :)

I still miss my B.F.F.F, My Best Friend Forever Farfel -- terribly. Now, instead of torturing myself with wanting him back -- which sadly, can never happen. I try to fill my head with all of the crazy, funny things he used to do -- and all of the great memories. It does help :)

Now, for my N.B.F.F.S. -- my New Best Friend Forever Star  :)  As you know, I was calling Nancy, breeder/groomer/Star's former mommy,  every day last week to see if Star had her babies!  Well, on Thursday when I called, Nancy said -- come pick her up, she is having a false pregnancy, and there won't be any babies. Well, I got there as soon as I could, and Sweet Star came running out to me -- such a good feeling  :)  I can honestly say, Star, as I, was smiling  :)  Nancy told me she was over her due date and would not be having puppies. I was sad, and happy at the same time. No puppy to succeed Farfel -- or give the anticipation I was so looking forward too ... but... Star was coming home. I was glad.  I asked Nancy -- is there any possibility that .. Oh hey... guess what.. Star has her puppies at my house ?? As I have said -- I don't know Nothin' 'bout birthin' no puppies!  Nancy assured me that "There's nothing in her!" OK, Nancy is the expert with over 30 years experience :)  Star and I zooomed home  :)

I have heard of false pregnancies, but didn't know much about them. A dog exhibits all of the signs and symptoms that a dog with a true pregnancy experiences. Of course, Star HAS to be different  :)  Nancy said it isn't rare, but said it was probably due to Star not being in good shape to be bred. Ok, Star gained a few pounds!! In my defense, had I known that Star was going to be bred, which I did not,  I might have sent her to Jenny Craig, or at the very least forced her to watch "Sweatin' to the Oldies" with Richard Simmons!!  Seriously, why can't dogs who have false pregnancies gain false pounds ????    So, Star and I are going to work on getting our figures back.... hehehe.. I can hear Farfel chuckling now  :)

Star is home, and very happy -- digging huge holes in my backyard  :)  She is enjoying being the prinCESS..and ... I am enjoying spoiling her  :)  She's my little sweet girl  :) I am sure that one day, Farfel's memory will only bring me laughs, and happiness :)  Not yet though :(  Star is helping in her own special way :)

Patti, and Star

We are going to have some false ice cream, and some false pizza...so if we gain any weight, it won't exist ------  or something like that  :) 

Star :)

Today is Star's due date  :)  I am going to visit her today in the "maternity ward" at Easdale Kennels. I am not too worried about Star because her "other" Mommy, Nancy is taking good care  of her. I miss Star terribly :(

I told Nancy I wanted a puppy from Star's litter -- a little boy -- hopefully.  Right now it's keeping me going -- anticipation, happy thoughts, and excitement  :) I am also excited to get Star back here :)

Star and I have a special bond. It has taken awhile.  The two weeks she was here -- alone...really made a difference.  Star is definitely the Alpha girl  -- However, I do believe that for the most part she respected Farfel, and allowed him to be "The Boss," "El Jefe!"  Star is a PrinCESS :)  She follows me from room to room -- and is constantly staring at me. If I wake up in the middle of the night...she is STARING at me  :) It's weird, but in a strange way, I like it  :)

It has taken awhile for Star to accept us -- being in her face all of the time. We are huggers in this house. At first, Star shied away from hugging. I force her to receive hugs :) She is a very sweet girl.

Not only will a puppy be good for me, but I think/hope it will be good for Star. I want Star to be the Numero Uno :)  She deserves it!!  So, I think with her having one of her babies... that can happen. In no way am I a dog shrink -- but I think it could happen  :)

My house is quiet ... and sad. Honestly, I am on the verge of tears all of the time. Of course, since Farfel was such a big part of my life -- everything reminds me of him -- and Star too (but, Star will be coming back).  I received his ashes. Sad -- my big fuzzy best friend ended up in a small cookie tin type thing  :(  My ex-husband made a beautiful box for him. I had Joey (grrrr, Farfel's nemesis :) )  transfer Farfel to the box -- well...when that damn Joey opened the tin -- he made a growling sound. We laughed. It kind of reminded me of that performer on the Ed Sullivan Show -- (OK, you have to be pretty old to remember this -- I am old!)  Senor Wences, and Pedro...

Pedro was the guy in the box S'right!!

Sooo hopefully today she will have her babies -- it's a special day also, because today is the third birthday of handsome Slammer -- the daddy of the puppies  :)  

I can't wait to see my sweet little Star  :)

Patti

I love her face  :)