Airedale eyes ....window to the soul ..

They .. (never quite figured out who "they" are) .. say, dogs do not have souls, and therefore do not go to Heaven.. I am not an overly religious person...but being baptized, raised, and married Greek Orthodox (the wedding was longer than the marriage!).. I think I know .... some stuff  :)   My opinion --- if Heaven  is THE place to be ...and everything is perfect..then...there will be dogs in heaven, and....the majority of the dogs I have ever come across have more soul than some humines!  God made dogs.... God loves all of his creations....they will be in heaven.  If and when I go...I certainly would love for all of the dogs I have ever had, to meet me  :)  If God had a dog ...I don't think it would be an Airedale  :)  Not that the wonderful Airedale is not worthy...and I am sure that God can handle any dog....but, I see him as being more of ...Chinese Crested kind of guy ... those dogs seem to need that extra ooomph :)

OK...enough of the religious stuff --- Farfel is fading  :(   He does have good days, and moments. I continue to read for hours about his stupid disease. I called a vet in the area about a certain pill...that MIGHT delay the progression of the disease. His snarky receptionist said he was not taking in anymore patients!  I asked if I could get the drug -- she said ... Farfel would have to be a patient -- and duh, they aren't accepting anymore patients. I wonder sometimes if they (the receptionists) actually care who is on the other end of the phone. In this case -- a totally brokenhearted woman who would give her right arm to help her friend.   In reality, nothing can be done. I accept it more each day. I don't want to, but I do.

So..eyes being the window to the soul --All dogs have beautiful, soulful (yes, SOULful) eyes.  Airedales have ...ape eyes...they have eyes like the Appaloosa horse (no other horses have these eyes)...they are human-like...the sclera (whites) is very pronounced. Farfel's  looks  at me now ... like he has never looked at me before.  I, for the most part spend all day with him... and sometimes, all night.  He will lay there and kind of do a moan/growl sort of thing... and go into a whimper.  He isn't in pain -- Farfel honestly has no tolerance for pain. If he was in pain, I, as well as the whole neighborhood would know. He is sad, afraid, confused, frustrated -- and sometimes...humiliated.  He still has the most loving eyes, but.... he has lost his mischievous look.

I am really trying to think all of this through ....with the least amount of emotion (yeah right) . What is Farfel's quality of life?  If I could sit and hold him all day -- that would be great.....but I can't. I haven't run the vacuum cleaner in a very long time (I really don't care) because it really annoys him. It use to be fun for him... he would attack it... steal the attachments...  :)   He can't do that now. It just annoys him.  Farfel is smart... he knows me. He feeds off of my emotions. He knows when I have that fake happy face, and that weird happy voice. He knows. And they say dogs have no soul. 

Kubler, Ross -- their stages of grief. Spot on. Imagine feeling the different stages all day long! I wonder how many years I will be going through them ......ugh.

I wish I could say something that is positive and uplifting ... I can't. Everything I read about the disease starts out like --- Degenerative Myelopathy is a grave disease. OK --- then... it goes into discussing wheelchairs....pee pee pads....air beds....slings.....supplements.....lots of different things.... in my opinion, to prolong the agony.  Farfel isn't happy. Well, he is happy when I am laying on the floor with him... hugging him, and holding him -- which I will do until I can't do it anymore.

On a different note --- sweet little preggo Star!  She knows that Farfel is getting extra attention.  Believe me, in no way is Star neglected  :)  She wouldn't allow it!!  She is right there for hugs and cuddles too!!   It's very difficult for me to go to bed and leave Farfel downstairs.  I have the hallway blocked off so he doesn't slip and fall -- even though all bare surfaces are covered. I go to bed.. say goodnight to both of them... then... about 3 minutes later, Star sneaks up and jumps into my bed. We have "our" time  :)  I am glad I have her :)

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer... I am really thankful I have him, and have had him in my life for 10 years  :)  I also try to remain positive.  I am very happy when he has a good day, and am equally as happy when his old, stubborn, obstinate self comes out  :)   Happy or sad, it helps to write.


Patti, Farfel, and Star   :)

He is so handsome  :)