I, Farfel, the ONLY Airedale in the Village, am lame! Not lame in the lame sense of the word, but lame in the.... I limp, had to go to the emergency room, got X-rays, and narcotics lame sort of way.
I am much better now, but it was touch and go there for awhile -- hehehe, not really :) In addition to being lame, since that new petite little girl (Star) has arrived, MOMMY has put me on a ....diet! I am starving. She feeds me the same amount as that petite little girl. I am a large, big boned....OK... kind of chunky, guy! MOMMY is worried because I can't jump on her bed anymore without taking a running start from way out in the hallway -- when I get to her bed, sometimes I jump up...and sometimes I just wipe my face on her comforter. MOMMY thinks if I was a pound or two thinner, I could jump on her bed with no problem. Star -- the petite thing acts like she has springs on her feet...BOING, and she is up on the bed! MOMMY does not let her sleep on the bed. MOMMY thinks it would hurt my feelings! It might .... yeah, it would.
MOMMY is also VERY concerned about Star's....bark, or... lack of one. MOMMY thinks Star sounds like a muted foghorn. MOMMY has been googling weird bark sounds and has come up with one thing that pretty much describes the little foghorns bark perfectly ---- MOMMY thinks Star has been "debarked!" MOMMY isn't 100% positive ---- and it would be simple for MOMMY to ask Star's other Mommy -- my MOMMY doesn't want to insult her by asking, so she is waiting for the right time, or... MOMMY is just going to take her to the vet and find out for herself. Star doesn't seem to be suffering because of it --- but......it breaks MOMMY'S heart to hear her bark. Star is a "retired" show dog. MOMMY isn't sure if debarking a dog is what they do in Show dog biz ... I, Farfel, the only Airedale in the Village can bark constantly and loudly. Star might bark 3 times a day and it sounds like; "HUFFFF," HUFFFFF," "HUFFFFFF!" If anybody knows anything about a debarked dog...please let MOMMY know. There isn't anything she can do about it, but at least she will know.
So, other than getting used to Star, and her settling in... not much else is going on -- well ...any day now, MOMMY is going to get her surgery date. MOMMY is going to have a PBM -- a Preventative Bilateral Mastectomy. MOMMY is very high-risk for getting breast cancer and decided to do this instead of just waiting around and worrying all of the time. MOMMY is going to have the reconstruction immediately after the mastectomy. MOMMY is not thrilled with having "Frankenboobies," "Frankentitties,"but...the Plastic surgeon, who MOMMY knows, said he was going to make them reeeeaaaal nice....MOMMY felt kind of creepy when he said that, but... decided she would leave her boobies in his hands ----- so to speak!!! :) They even make nipples and they tattoo them ... I think MOMMY wants black little skulls, or black stars... the nurse told MOMMY they only had ...."nipple" colors.....hehehe :)
MOMMY isn't making light of this, or diminishing the whole ordeal, as others would see it -- but... my MOMMY is different...MOMMY has read a lot..and has done a lot of research. She knows what she is getting into ....and isn't thrilled, but she is accepting. MOMMY also does not want this to be a depressing event, and does not want to depress everybody around her -- also, MOMMY does not have breast cancer, so she is very lucky. MOMMY isn't going to write a journal describing her "journey." I might write a few of her thoughts, but ... nothing depressing.
MOMMY is thinking about having a "TA TA ..TA TA'S" party. Probably just a little something at a local tavern...OK... BAR :) If MOMMY was filthy rich she would love to have a catered, sit down dinner -- probably serving a stuffed chicken breast ...hehehe.. and an open bar ..serving buttery nipples (butterscotch schnapps, and something else)...and of course a DJ ... playing; " I like Big Boobs and I can't deny".......wait....wrong body part :) Anyway... that's what she's planning :) Everybody is invited :) .. MOMMY is planning a kind of... weird cake... if you know what I mean :) Joey, my nemesis, suggested she register at Victoria Secrets... since MOMMY isn't sure what exact size she is going to be... she is going to hold off on registering :)
So that's what's been going on... I will keep you posted .... providing I don't waste away to nothing with this starvation diet I am on..UGH!
Again, please know that MOMMY is not making a joke of her situation, or any woman who has gone through this... or any woman's family who has gone through this with her -- MOMMY just thinks that sometimes ... laughter is the best medicine :) Also, I realize that this particular blog has been "all over the page" so to speak ....sometimes...it's difficult to stop typing... and other times it's difficult to start .....don't know why.