Monday, March 7, 2011

Things are back to abnormal -- Star is home !!!

This is Farfel's MOMMY. I did not ask for his permission to write this blog -- besides, he is just settling in for his first nap of the day, and I don't want to disturb him  :)  I think he thought Star was gone for good --  welll, big surprise Farfel -- she's back  :)  As soon as I got the call that she was back at Nancy's -- Joey and I picked her up -- immediately!!  Joey almost missed the season premier of Orange County Housewives -- BUT -- geeez, he was watching hours and hours of it ALL DAY!!!  UGH -- seriously, I really wish I knew whose reality those women are living (OK, yeah, I am jealous!!) Personally, I prefer the Housewives of New Jersey or New York :)

Star was very happy to see us -- jumping on me -- drains and all (I have the drains, she does not). Nancy, the breeder also showed Joey and I 3 little Airedale babies that were just hours old --- all I can say is ---awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  :)  Anyway, Star came home and she was HAPPY to see her big brother Farfel :)  Things went very well, and I am..... very happy I have my two babies home and together!!

So, why am I writing -- well, out of laziness I do not want to sign up for another blog -- and I refuse to document "My Journey!"  I read a lot. I do have a medical background, and I wanted to and want to know everything I have gone through and will go through by the time all of this is over.

 I have ready many blogs about women who have gone through the bilateral mastectomies, whether it be as a result of cancer, or a choice they made because of the high possibility of them getting cancer in the future. As I mentioned, I was very high risk -- so having this done was my choice - not a choice that I made lightly. It was well thought out. 

As I said I refuse to make this come across as a depressing entry into a journal describing my journey. For me, that is not an option. I am not a super-woman in any sense of the word. I am just me. You can't do this with the thoughts of "why me?" I had a choice, and I made the choice.

Finding a lump, going to the Doctor, going for tests, more tests, then finally results was too much. I couldn't imagine going through that more than once. While some of the tests are very easy -- mammograms for one -- the technicians are wonderful, and in my case, at least, the squeezing of the boobie wasn't terrible. So, ladies, get your mammograms :)  There was one procedure that was not fun for me -- it was the Needle Loc -- they had to stick this thing inside my breast they knew where to cut to get the lump out -- well, that hurt like hell and the thought of it was damn creepy!  UGH!  

I also opted to have a total hysterectomy. When I went to the Doc to discuss this, they found "weird" cells on my cervix -- so -- it was a good thing I had it done anyway -- Ovarian cancer is a difficult cancer to detect, and from what I am told, ovarian cancer and breast cancer are very close. So...ladies, make sure you keep up on the lower regions as well -- it would be a shame to find something too late, when it could have been found, and treated. I realize I am 57 years old and really have no need for most of my parts -- but it hasn't made me feel like any less of a woman -- if that helps at all.

My chest at the moment is not attractive. It is bigger though than what I went into surgery with, and these are only the expanders. The old boobies weren't that magnificent..hehehehe.. they reminded me of little wrinkly flesh-colored fried eggs....yet, they were my cute, little wrinkly flesh-colored fried eggs -- with adorable nipples I might add  :) Right now it appears that I have the "bulk" of the boobies under my armpits -- UGH!  I specifically told the plastic surgeon ..I did not want "bra hangover fat!"  As a matter of fact -- my son Joey told me a trick about bra-fat -- bend over and stuff the boobies into the bra -- and voila ... they stay, and very minimal bra fat!  Joey? You say? --- Joey has done drag for many years -- very well I might add -- and I get all of my "girly" secrets from him!!!!  Thank you Joey!!! the moment -- I have lumpy things on my chest -- with slight scarring, drains hanging out (they should be removed soon)...and most of the lumps are under my armpits -- but that will change...and as was mentioned in a previous blog -- it looks like there are two bald men on my chest with lumpy heads!  It really isn't so bad. Yes, there is pain, but is easy to manage!  I just can't reach things from very high places -- never could actually -- but my range of motion is pretty good -- because...I's because I work-out. I am worried that with this recovery period that I may turn back to ...flab. Oh well, I can get the muscles back -- besides, the muscles I have are covered up by wrinkled old lady skin (there is no cure for that ---except youth!UGH).

One of my biggest worries is -- the weight I gained by quitting smoking. I am totally freaked out by that. I know it is petty, but.... I went from a size 1/2 to a size 3...which is kind of tight, and weirdly -- I grew an ass!  I never had one before. It isn't so bad. But -- it's THERE!  I know a large ass certainly out-weighs (hahahahaha) the dangers of smoking, but.... it is so difficult out there for a single old lady!!!  And... I am smoking again -- see, I am honest!  Not a lot. I just can't stop, and I know I have to, because it isn't good for the healing process, but... I am going to be totally honest in this non-depressing, non-journal entry to my non-depressing-journey!  I will stop!

Another worry is -- since me the loser without a boyfriend/manfriend -- Oh, I have friends, but I am sure they are afraid of the C-WORD (commitment).  Am I worried about not being sexy -- because of my weird boobs?  No -- but it would be nice to have someone love me regardless -- seriously -- old men out there are so shallow. The youngs ones (usually most I date are 10 years or younger than me) aren't so bad. Anyway -- I don't think boob size defines "sexy!"  I think my warped sense of humor, personality, and... yes, kindness are sexy as hell. Besides, I have those Greek good looks ...hahahahahaha...big Greek thighs ..and now huge Greek ass .... but no Greek mustache ... as of yet. The Greek women in my family usually grow one in their late 70's, so, I still have time  :)  By implants will have drooped, my ass will be huger, and I will probably suffer from dementia -- so who freakin' cares if I have a mustache or not ???   :)

I do have wonderful family and friends who have been there for me  --- Joey -- my youngest son who has to put up with me stealing cigs from him ... he planned the whole party for the TA TA to the TA TA'S ... he helped me clean...and just about do everything I asked of him as well as keep me laughing  :)  Ryan, my oldest, who stayed at the hospital ALL DAY -- stayed with me for a few days -- waiting on me (God, I know how hard that was!), Mark, the middle child -- who is so busy with work, kids, baby mama's...for just being there and making me smile (we are warped in the same way) ex-husband ...YES, we are friends, who will do anything to make my life run smoother (Ya should ya a-hole -- I never asked for alimony!!! -- joking -- (but I didn't ask for alimony). All those who came to the party, who have called me, and have just been there ... JM ... thank you -- for you know what .... and Eddie -- my dear, dear friend, who is making my dreams come true-- a staunch METS fan taking me to the Yankee homecoming festivities -- and other great stuff!!  Having friends and family is waaaay better than having perfect boobies!!  Last but not least -- my BEST friend in the world -- Farfel  :)  There is nothing I can say that people with dogs don't already know :) And little sweet needy barkless Star -- who needs me  :)  I am a very lucky person!!!  And ... soon I will have FOOBS (fake boobs) and FIPPLES (fake nipples)  Life is good!!



I do have to say -- this is what is right for me -- in no way do I diminish what other women have gone through or what they will go through -- but -- it's easier to go through something like this with a sense of humor and smiles  :)  Believe me ... I am not the "Perky Patti" type .... just a regular person who sees things a little differently :)

***Well said MOMMY -- now will you please let Foghorn Star and I out --- we have to pee!!!***

Love, Farfel ...and Star   too  :)


  1. You have the most awesome outlook on life and we bet there's not a thing you can't tackle! Good for you, Farfel's mom!
    We are so happy that Star is home!

    Love ya lots
    Maggie and Mitch

  2. Fawfel I think you have a pawsome Mom and hooman bwuvvews and family too, and I'm so happy youw sissie Staw is home too. I know that wif youw help , youw Mom will twiumph ovew all this hawd stuff she is going thwoo. I got a note fwom my Fwiend Asta and K who don't blog, but know you and admowe youw bwave Mom so much. They asked me to give you theiw love!!!!
    smoochie kisses

    Patti, this is Ami Asta's Mommi, Thank you for your words and honesty. It must have been a very difficult decision, but Given what you faced, I think you did the best thing. You will get your new boobies and nipples and lots of guys like asses. I had to giggle when you said you went up to a three. HAH! I've never been less than an 8in my life, and my darling husbnad thinks I'm OK as is.I have never had big boobs. I have a hungarian body. All I ever wanted was longer legs, but you know what. Love and health and furrkids are better than any of those things.
    I wish you a painless , quick recovery. So glad you are sorrounded by so much love

  3. Thank you Ami and Asta -- and Asta and K :) I have been ALL sizes in my life -- it took awhile to get down to the size one -- which is probably the "new" 8 -- hehehe, I don't know.. but it seems throughout all of this I am more obsessed about the weight gain -- my ex-husband always said his "perfect woman" was a tall big-chested blonde :) Furthest thing from me and my short, stumpy, Greek stature! I have a pair of thigh-high boots that go up to my crotch --creepy :) Kids are great, and the furkids are so totally in love with me that I am very lucky -- but it would be nice to have a member of the opposite sex that wasn't a douche, who was madly in love with me ---hehehehe -- maybe I expect too much!!! Thank you for the kind words and thoughts, I really appreciate them :)


  4. Khyra's Mom here -

    You would make one kickass party pal!

    Go Girl Go!


  5. Oh my. There is real advantage to falling behind in blog reading. You had Moma in stitches and tears, between chuckles and sighs, nodding and shaking her head. We love how you "put it all out there" ... the front side, the back side and everything in between. Farfel. We've known you a long time. Longer than your MOMMY. And we've always loved you (and the Lovely Miss Fergi will ALWAYS think of your as her VerySpecialFarfel. Just look at our Sidebar. You'll be there forever.)

    We know you've been though a lot ... and there's more to come. But we are mostly REALLY happy that you are all back together now (and ... selfishly ... we're sorta hoping that Star doesn't have to leave you in a few weeks, even though we KNOW those Dale puppies are the cutest.)

    BTW ... Jake and all of us chuckled when you said something about Jake being able to "pull off" feathers. He did. Figuratively. Fashion-wise. And literally. It was pretty funny. It'll be funnier if his poop is colorful in a few days!)

    So. Take care, good friends. Know we love you and admire you. And we end with a big PawsUp and PawSlaps to Khyra's Mom's Khomment: You WOULD make a kickass party pal. All of you! ALL OF YOU!

    Jake and Your Lovely Miss Fergi (who is afraid she ate too many beignets!)

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